It’s been awhile

It’s been awhile since I talked about myself on here. I know some of you don’t like it when I do, but some of you do, and the others can skip this entry if they like.

I’m up for jury duty this week. They’re selecting a jury for a criminal trial and I’m in the pool; selection starts tomorrow. This will be the first time I’ve ever been considered for jury duty. Until it’s over for me, I’m staying at my mom’s, which cuts my courthouse commute time to 20 minutes, down from like 50 minutes if I was with Michael. I’m writing this on my cell phone. While I’m at my mom’s there is of course no Orville and therefore there will be no Charley Project updates, alas.

Michael has a new job that he likes so far. He’s working long hours but making more money. We hope to be able to return to Poland, perhaps as soon as next summer, or maybe the summer after that.

I was rereading some of my old blog entries and the comments, from the time when I was raped. It’s striking to me how many if not most people would rather never speak to someone again than apologize to them.

The very first person to accuse me of making up the story of my attack was someone whom I thought of as a friend. We’d emailed each other many times and she was a regular blog commenter. Just two or three days after I blogged about the rape she wrote me to say she knew I was lying. I was extremely upset. I offered to show her a copy of the police report (weeks before I made the same offer to any interested parties on my blog). In fact I was unwilling to wait for a copy of the report to be mailed to me and paid something like $60 to take a taxi across town to pick one up on-site before I left Virginia. She refused to look at it. Then she accused me openly on my blog, telling me she respected my Charley Project work but I should be ashamed of myself for making up the story.

In the eight years since, there’s a good chance this woman has come to realize that I wasn’t lying. I think the strongest evidence in my favor is the article I found about Rollo’s arrest for raping another woman four months after me, a crime that corresponded to my own in almost every particular: he was homeless, he was black and a foreign national, met her on the bus (dunno if it was the same bus as me but it stopped at the same park-and-ride), offered to walk with her through that same patch of woods, and jumped her just like he’d jumped me. All of this was reported in the article about his arrest, months after I shared the details about my own victimization on my blog.

The only real difference between the two attacks was the choice of victim. I was a stranger. But in the October attack, he was stupid enough to go after someone he knew slightly, and so he was identified immediately and arrested. Thank goodness.

Yet my former friend — and for that matter all of my other accusers — never apologized for misjudging me and asked for forgiveness. It’s kind of sad because I had liked being friends with her. I don’t know why a person would decide it’s better to just avoid me for the rest of our lives than admit they made a mistake.

Although I think about Rollo every day still, the attack doesn’t usually affect me emotionally anymore. Sometimes it does — seeing the movie The Accused (an excellent film btw, I highly recommend it) had me sobbing and hyperventilating — but only rarely. I used to have intense violent fantasies about what I wanted to do to Rollo. Now I’m no longer even angry with him; in fact I basically don’t feel any more emotion towards him than I would towards a rapist whom I read about in the news, who had nothing to do with me. Is that forgiveness? I don’t know.

It used to be that every June, for pretty much the entire month, my head would be filled with blood-soaked thoughts, those aforementioned violent fantasies. It bothered me intensely. But those thoughts are no more. This past June 16, the eighth anniversary of the rape, I nearly forgot entirely. It wasn’t until like 8:30 p.m. that I had a sudden moment: “Hey, today’s the anniversary. I was with him right now, this very moment, eight years ago. Huh.” Then I just went back to what I was doing.

For me, that’s recovery.

In other news: the article they interviewed me for in June is still stuck in editorial limbo. Nothing to do but wait. I am sure the two reporters are just as anxious as I am for it to come out, cause I think they’re freelancers and won’t get paid till then.

I’m glad they interviewed me in June and not July. By July I had gained 15 pounds very quickly, for no. hecking. reason. The shirt I wore on the day I was filmed no longer fits; in fact half or more of my wardrobe no longer fits. I can’t figure out what happened; I’m neither eating more nor exercising less than before. Most of it is in my stomach and Michael’s dad momentarily suspected I was pregnant. (I know I am not.) I’m not fat, I’m not overweight or even close, but now I weigh more than I ever have in my life.

There’s another reason I’m glad the interview happened in June: in late July, two tiny scratches, one on my cheek and one on my chin, got infected with horrendous results. This was even after I had put Betadine on them — the very first time Betadine has failed me!

The chin scratch turned into a crater an inch across, weeping pus, and the cheek one became a rock-hard abscess the size of an egg. Like an idiot I broke open the abscess myself to try to drain it, and at first nothing came out at all, but a few hours later yellowish goop started leaking out of the hole I made and the non-abscess part of my cheek swelled up.

I called my doctor’s office and explained the situation and the receptionist was like, “She can see you August 9.” Which was like twelve or thirteen days out.

“Um, this is a really bad infection,” I said. “I can’t wait that long. I really need to see her sooner.”

“Well, do you want the August 9 appointment or not?”

“No.”

I called a dermatologist and, by some miracle, got a next-morning appointment. I think there must have been a cancellation or something. He looked at my face, winced, had the nurse take a sample with Q-tips and diagnosed a probable staph infection.

I walked away with antibiotic pills, an antibiotic gel, and advice to not mess with breaks in the skin anymore, particularly if they’re infected. Oh, and a bill for $70. My insurance doesn’t cover dermatologist visits.

Fortunately everything healed up just fine and without even any scars, but for like a week and a half I didn’t want to go out cause I looked so gross.

Speaking of my skin, I’m trying a new cream for my melasma now. It’s called Meladerm. You apply it twice a day, preferably in conjunction with an exfoliating lotion and a strong sunscreen. Meladerm is cheap ($50; many melasma treatments cost hundreds) and very highly rated. It is supposed to start making a difference within weeks, with full results within a few months.

It also comes with a money-back guarantee if you don’t see any difference within 30 days of purchase, but I can’t take advantage of that. I bought the Meladerm just before the nightmare skin infection, see, and I couldn’t start to use it till the sores had fully healed. I started the treatment I think 13 days ago. It makes my face feel a little numb right after I put it on but that’s the only side effect.

Thank goodness for modern medicine. Without those antibiotics that infection might have eaten my face away or something. Or at least left highly visible scarring.

Can’t think of much else to say here. I’m reading a book called The Day Will Pass Away: The Diary of a Gulag Prison Guard: 1935-1936. The introduction says it’s a very important historical document, as there’s basically nothing else like it that has survived. We don’t even know how this diary survived; the author, one Ivan Chistyakov, was killed while serving in the Red Army in 1941, after the Nazi invasion of the Soviet Union, and the only info we have on his life comes from the diary itself. It was anonymously donated to a Moscow historical archive in the eighties.

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Make-a-List Monday: “May be in the company of an adult male”

A lot of teenage girls who run away have run away to be with an older boyfriend. In those cases the NCMEC poster (and therefore the Charley Project) casefile usually has the note that the MP “may be in the company of an adult male.” There’s rarely any details about the companion, beyond the “adult male” designation.

Speaking of such things, a few details about pedophilia and statutory rape in the United States.

  1. These girls’ boyfriends are almost certainly NOT pedophiles as defined by the DSM-V, or Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders. Pedophiles, by definition, must be attracted to pre-pubescent children, and there must be at least a five-year difference between the pedophile and the child. The runaways I’m talking about are in their teens, and in any case, many of the adult males we’re talking about are in their teens themselves — eighteen or nineteen — or early twenties. It’s a big pet peeve of mine when people use the word “pedophile” to apply to all sexual offenders. Call them predators, perverts, whatever, but “pedophile” is not the correct term.
  2. The age of consent varies by state. I think it’s generally between 16 and 18. In some states there are exceptions to the law for cases where the person under the age of consent is close in age to their partner — i.e. a fifteen-year-old and a seventeen- or eighteen-year-old, in a state where the age of consent is sixteen. And in some cases it can make a difference if the older person in the relationship is in a position of power over the younger one — for example, depending on the state, a high school teacher can be charged with a sex offense if they’re having sex with a student who’s over the age of consent, or even over the age of 18. Also, if an underage person gets married — and in some states you can marry at as young as twelve years old, if you get permission from a parent and/or family court judge — it’s legal for them to have sex with their spouse no matter what age they are.

Anyway, here’s my current list of female runaways who “may be in the company of an adult male.”

  1. Emily Bracamontes
  2. Lisamarie Canchola
  3. Nachida Keota Chandara
  4. Danica Dianne Childs
  5. Kimberlyn Rosa Cubias
  6. Keiosha Marie Felix
  7. Robyn Leslie Hatcher
  8. Janteyl Danielle Johnson
  9. Heyvi Marbely Lainez-Pinot
  10. Bessy Edilia Mazariegos Pereira
  11. Eliud Maluyn Ochoa
  12. Karla Yulisa Portillo-Amaya
  13. Mariela Roblero Bravo and her baby son, Wisley Tojil
  14. Maria Ines Salazar
  15. Elsa Janell “Lilly” Wind

Select It Sunday: Cayce Lynn McDaniel

Bridget B. asked me to profile Cayce Lynn McDaniel‘s case for Select It Sunday; the 21st anniversary of her disappearance was last month. She was fourteen when she disappeared from Milan, Tennessee on August 16, 1996. She attended a church party and then someone dropped her off at home, which was unoccupied at the time. Cayce’s mom arrived home in the early hours of the next morning and found her daughter gone. She had had time to change clothes, grab some milk and cookies and turn on the TV before she disappeared.

I did a search and found this 2017 article about the case, but it doesn’t say anything new. A 2010 article says the police believe Cayce is dead.

Thinking aloud in today’s updates

  1. This may be setting some kind of record in how many murder-without-a-body cases were included in a single day’s update: there are seven here (or five if you want to get picky). I’ve got John Charles Cizek, Marcia Ann Forsberg, Hoggle siblings Jacob and Sarah, Donna Mae Jokumsen, and Lyon sisters Katherine and Sheila.
  2. The info I added to Marcia Forsberg’s page came from one of those “keep in touch with your high school class” type sites. In her profile on the page, Marcia talks about how happy she is in her marriage to her husband, described as her “soul mate and best friend” and “the love of my life.” Little knowing that the love of her life would, by his own admission, kill and dismember her a couple of years later. That’s hella depressing to read.
  3. Why is the NCMEC using Photograph 1 of Cynthia Bravo on their poster for her when Photograph 2 (via CDOJ) is so much better quality?
  4. I wonder if it’s significant that Cynthia disappeared just before her birthday. In Hispanic communities there’s something called the quinceanera or the fiesta de quince años, where there’s a massive party on a girl’s fifteenth birthday and she dresses up in a fancy formal dress, something like a prom dress or a wedding dress; it’s a rite of passage celebrating the girl’s transition from childhood to womanhood. Cynthia is Hispanic and vanished just one day before she would have turned fifteen. Just a thought.
  5. Another question/thought about Cynthia: who the heck runs away with no shoes on?

Flashback Friday: Willie Ann Rucker

This week’s Flashback Friday case is Willie Ann Rucker, who went by her middle name. She was 27 and recently divorced when she disappeared from Waterloo, Iowa on April 8, 1979. Her family believes her boyfriend may have been involved; they were having problems.

I don’t have much on this case. Rucker’s son David Barrett, who was just a baby when she disappeared, became a professional football player, so there’s that.

MP of the week: Whitney Sanders

This week’s featured missing person is Whitney Nicole Sanders, a 21-year-old woman who was last seen in Jacksonville, Florida during the early morning hours on September 20, 2013. I don’t have a lot on this case, but Whitney was the victim of an earlier crime that could be related to her disappearance: she was robbed and beaten a month before she was last seen, and the police had still not arrested anyone. Her mom theorizes that whoever robbed her might have been involved in her case.