Ariel Castro hangs self in prison

According to absolutely everybody (but I heard it first from Justin): Ariel Castro has done the world a favor and offed himself in his prison cell.

I cannot think of anyone in the world more friendless, and less mourned, than him. Is there anyone out there, with the possible exception of his own mother, who’s going to be sorry he did it? I’m just happy that my parents’ and siblings’ hard-earned tax dollars don’t have to go towards feeding him anymore.

The only other thing I have to say is directed at the idiot on Slate who said, “They should have saved him, or at least caught him with these staggered rounds. It takes more than 30 minutes to die from hanging, sometimes hours (unless he successfully snapped his neck or crushed the esophageal tube).”

Uh, no. It does NOT typically take more than half an hour to die from hanging; I’d wager it usually takes half that time or less. I wrote about one judicial execution where the prisoner was pronounced dead after a minute and a half; for judicial hangings, the average time is around twelve minutes, whether the person’s neck breaks or not.

Ariel Castro takes plea deal, will rot in prison for the rest of his days

Ariel Castro — I need not introduce the man — has taken a plea deal to avoid a trial and inevitable conviction and death sentence.

Castro was charged with 977 counts, including aggravated murder on suspicion of ending the pregnancy of one of his captives. Under the deal, he agreed to plead guilty to 937 counts.

[Judge Michael J.] Russo told Castro that the deal would mean he would go to prison for life, plus at least 1,000 years.

That life-plus-a-millenium will probably be spent in solitary. If he so much as sticks his nose into the general population, the other prisoners will tear him to pieces.

Castro’s family, oddly enough, seem to be decent enough folks; he’s an anomaly. I feel sorry for them — imagine finding out your son, or your brother, or your dad, is such a monster. Castro’s son Anthony gave a media interview saying Daddy deserved what he got, and he doesn’t plan to visit him in prison.