Perhaps tomorrow…

I’m very sorry I haven’t updated in a week. I’ve felt so horrible. My throat was raw from puking and the stomach scope tube. I tried to learn to eat again. It was so painful.

Just when I was starting to maybe feel human again, it was Thursday and I had to stop eating to prep for Friday morning’s colonoscopy. Nothing solid for the entire day prior to the procedure.

So I had that done this morning. And they found nothing. Not even Jimmy Hoffa. And my throat is still raw and I am still feeling weak and sick and quite horrible.

I have lost ten pounds. And between the illness and the procedures of this week I’ve not had my medicine in like seven, maybe eight days. Last night I was watching Frozen and weeping, overcome by melancholy.

I had arranged for a gyno appointment on Friday to look into the theory that my sickness is caused by some female problem. I will have to cancel it. The gastroenterologist has scheduled another procedure that will take most of the day Friday. They will feed me radioactive food and see how fast it goes through my system. See if I’m digesting food as I should.

I am going to try to start my medicine again tomorrow. I just feel so discouraged and desolate and I do not know how much of this is because I’m off my medication and how much is because I’ve been so horribly ill and no one knows why.

I am going to try to resume work on Charley tomorrow as well. I know no greater consolation.