Gay people

Here’s a question for you all: if I know that an MP is gay or lesbian, but as far as I can tell it had nothing to do with their disappearance, should I mention it anyway?

I did a search on Charley for MPs where I mention that they’re gay. Most of the time it has a direct relation to their disappearance. Four men, for example, who are believed to be the victims of a serial killer who targeted good-looking young men he met in gay clubs. If a person is quite active in the local gay community I say that, the same way I would say if they quite active in social causes or their local knitting circle or something.

But suppose it’s a man or woman that lives alone, doesn’t date anyone, has an ordinary job in an office, gardens in their spare time, and so on, and happens to be gay? Should I mention that fact?

Recent news has brought this issue to the forefront, after all.

I have thought of making a Make-a-List Monday of LGBT missing persons but am afraid it would cause offense.

25 thoughts on “Gay people

  1. silviapettem June 26, 2015 / 1:47 pm

    Well, NamUs doesn’t have a fill-in-the-blank for sexual orientation, so I don’t see any reason to mention it here. However, police investigating a suspicious case would definitely include it because, as you say, it could lead to a larger circle of acquaintances. Since you asked, though, I would not make a list of gay people any more than I’d make a list of people who like peanut butter…

  2. Elin- kristen feminist June 26, 2015 / 2:02 pm

    I think that if someone is openly gay and this is a known fact I do not see this as more damaging than mentioning that someone has a wife. If the person was secretive or not out I don’t think it should be mentioned out of respect of the person’s choices.

    • Meaghan June 26, 2015 / 5:02 pm

      Well, if they’re gay and I know about it, a complete stranger from the internet, chances are they’re out of the closet.

  3. Angie June 26, 2015 / 3:37 pm

    I dont think it’s a problem. Their orientation is part of their life, just like any other characteristic, and for all you know it could have something to do with their disappearance (hate crime for example). What is there to be offended about? It’s just a trait like any other.

    • Meaghan June 26, 2015 / 5:00 pm

      Well, I had one person who was offended. I mentioned in an MP’s profile that he was gay but it didn’t seem to have anything to do with his disappearance. His sister, I think it was, wrote me very upset and accused me of being insensitive and homophobic and what have you. She demanded I remove the detail.

  4. Meyahna June 26, 2015 / 3:52 pm

    I think you should, any detail is useful I’d say. For example, if there is a serial killer preying on gay men then law enforcement could need to identify other possible victims or say if an unidentified person died in a gay bar, it would help too. If an unidentified victim as gay tattoos, it can help too…

  5. HennyLee June 26, 2015 / 4:40 pm

    I agree with many points the others above have made… Personally – I think it is a good fact to know. It is part of who they are and therefore reflects places they may have been and people that they may have interacted with and/or encountered…. as well as where they may be spotted after the fact – like “gay bars”, Pride Parades, LGBT Communities or the like.

    Unfortunately, Making a specific list would probably ruffle SOMEONES feathers as we know people can be easily offended by the silliest of things. Either the people on the list will be criticized for their lifestyle choice or you will be for “Singling them out” you can’t win, sadly.

  6. dedekeene June 26, 2015 / 4:47 pm

    I woukld absolutely mentuion their lifestyle because that is how many are located through the years as a matter of faxct i found a young mang throiugh THE VILLAGE VOICE years ago so it does matter

  7. John June 26, 2015 / 4:57 pm

    There are many life style attributes that could be considered inappropriate for polite conversation, but the investigation of a missing person is NOT a polite conversation. You frequently mention personal characteristics and lifestyle attributes that one might consider inappropriate topics (e.g., drug usage, possible criminal involvement, prostitution, transgendered, etc.) When taken in totality, the fact is: you mention these things in hope of finding the individual. Fleshing out someone character can only help in the search.

  8. Mion June 26, 2015 / 5:32 pm

    A list of LGBT missing persons would be very interesting and probably helpful. Their cases don’t get as much press, especially if they were unfortunate enough to live in a more bigoted area

  9. Janny June 27, 2015 / 1:40 am

    Making a separate list singling out only Gays in my opinion would be inappropriate (but not wrong) because we know it would sure rub some people the wrong way, and you know how vocal some of those people can be. And of course YOU would be the target of their anger for making the list in the first place. You probably get enough of that already.
    But to state that they are Gay is definitely appropriate and only one item in a list of clues as to why they are missing. Like others have mentioned, the missing person’s lifestyle is a part of who they are. It suggests maybe where they’ve been, what interests them, what people they’ve come in contact with, etc.
    Good luck with this. You work so hard. I know you can’t please everybody, so just go with what feels right for you. And thank you for asking for opinions.
    Good job!!

  10. Andrew. June 27, 2015 / 3:53 am

    I’m gay and think that making a Make-a-List Monday of LGBT missing persons would be fine. I definitely think that it could help locate them.

  11. Cheryl June 27, 2015 / 9:58 am

    Of course you should mention that they are gay……I mean I’m sure you’ll edit all the heterosexuals and mention that they are straight. Why the hell do people think its ok to mention ANYONE’s Sexual Orientation? I don’t introduce my straight friends by saying, “This is Carrie. She’s heterosexual.” (smh)

    • Dan June 27, 2015 / 1:08 pm

      But I don’t think your straight friends might be bullied or killed by being straight…..It could be relevant to the case.

      • Meaghan June 27, 2015 / 1:10 pm

        Quite so. I had an acquaintance at college who, walking home from a party one night, got jumped by several guys from another school and beaten up. He was concussed and bleeding and had to stay overnight in the hospital. It was all because he was gay. He didn’t even know those people; they just set out that night to beat up the first gay person they saw.

      • M86 June 28, 2015 / 1:35 am

        Thank you, Dan!

    • HennyLee June 29, 2015 / 8:26 am

      So Cheryl, do you introduce your gay friend’s by saying “This is Carrie, She is a Homosexual?”

      This is being asked/discussed in the context of a missing person. They fact that they are gay COULD be an important fact in locating or understanding what happened to them.

      I support gay rights whole heartedly and agree with you that people should have to disclose it on a regular basis to every Tom, Dick and Harry they meet – BUT in an instance where it could be an important factor in locating someone it ‘s a good fact to take note of.

      • Cheryl June 29, 2015 / 11:49 am

        Absolutely. I always make it a point to announce the sexual orientation of my friends. I also mention their race, religion and they’re political affiliation. If they’re into prostitution, I point that out too. If they should go missing I know that LE and the general public will go out of their way to make sure their case gets the same attention as heterosexual white people.

        BTW. . . People who are not gay get jumped all the time. If we are all “equal” under the eyes of the law, then by God we should start treating EVERYONE equally.

        Meaghan asked for out opinions, if you don’t like mine, that’s your choice, just don’t try to change mine. I stand by what I said.

      • HennyLee June 29, 2015 / 12:16 pm

        I am not trying to change your opinion – but you made the comment about introducing some by there sexual orientation – and clearly you wouldn’t do that – but this situation is a little different.

        Not trying to cause arguments and blow up The comment section so I will end this here.

  12. Dan June 27, 2015 / 1:06 pm

    I think you should, most of times there is a relation to the dissapeareance and it could give insight if he /she was targeted because of his sexuality. I don’t see it how people can be offended by it. I think people getting offended by the mention it’s the homophobic attitude, very “Don’t ask, don’t tell”. I would be interested in seeing a list og Lgtb people missing.

  13. Peter June 28, 2015 / 12:23 am

    I would only mention it if it relates directly to their disappearance. I’m not homophobic or anything. I just think that if it doesn’t relate to their disappearance it’s nobody’s business. I know “old fashioned” attitude.

  14. M86 June 28, 2015 / 1:31 am

    I’m gay, and if it’s known (as in media, police, etc) that they are LGBT, then yes, I would mention it.

    We’re entering a new era where being LGBT isn’t being hidden like it was in the past. And no, being LGBT is not a choice and it’s not a “lifestyle”.

    Rant over… Do what you think is right, Meaghan!

    • HennyLee June 29, 2015 / 8:30 am


      I agree with you on so many levels… but you know there are going to be THOSE people that are going to criticize Meaghan for making such a list.

      I am all for her making any and all list she does – I find it very interesting – I just hate to see the attackers come out at her.

      It’s sad that in 2015 there is still ANY controversy over this type of stuff… ugh!

      • Cheryl June 29, 2015 / 11:51 am

        I don’t believe anyone attacked Meaghan. She asked for opinions and people voiced them,

      • HennyLee June 29, 2015 / 12:13 pm

        I was not saying anyone attacked them HERE – I was saying should she make a list of LGBT – there will be people upset over it.

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