WTG, Mom: Or, Meaghan tries something new

Always on the lookout for pain remedies (because it’s all gone wrong again, headache-wise), I purchased half a pound of kava, a South Pacific root that you mix with water and drink out of a coconut shell. I bought a coconut shell, too, figuring I might as well do it in the traditional manner. I had it sent to Mom’s house. The package arrived yesterday and I opened up the bag and followed all the instructions, then drank two shells’ worth.

It didn’t taste as bad as I had expect, but I didn’t feel a wee bit different, even though kava is supposed to be really relaxing and helps with pain and all that. My head didn’t hurt any less and I certainly didn’t feel relaxed. Either it’s another stupid overrated herbal remedy or I should have ordered some from Vanuatu which apparently grows the best kind; my kava came from Fiji. (I refer you to Maarten Troost’s writings on his own experiences with kava. Especially pages 60 – 62.)

Anyway, I went upstairs to take a nap, leaving half a liter of kava by the sink. While I was sleeping, Mom came home and saw my car in the driveway and what appeared to be a pitcher of dirty, stinking water on the kitchen counter. She promptly threw it down the drain, wondering what in the world I’d been doing.

Did I mention that my kava cost like $70, and I’d used up perhaps a quarter of it making the first batch? And she threw half of it away. So, way to go, Mom, you just threw away $8.75. I could, like, go to the movies with that, if I didn’t buy popcorn.

Actually, I couldn’t get angry with her because she didn’t know what I was up to and I had to admit that kava does look and smell (and taste) like dirty water. I ought to have put up a note or something.