In spite of my nice anti-virus software I got just a few months ago, some evil malware program or virus or something slipped through and hijacked my laptop and is holding it hostage unless I buy their stupid software which will probably cause even more problems. (I don’t know how the designers of malware live with their consciences.) Every time I try to open any program or visit any website, a message pops up saying my computer is riddled with viruses and they will fix it for $29.99.

The hijacking occurred at six a.m., when I had gotten up after my usual three-hour sleeping period, suffering from a wicked hangover besides. (You would think that being incredibly drunk would cause my brain to let me sleep for longer than three hours, but no.) I woke up my boyfriend and demanded that he fix it. He fussed with the computer for an hour before reminding me that he had gotten to bed later than I had and saying he was just too tired to summon the brainpower to remove the malware. He promised to fix it after he got home from work. Which is at 11:00 p.m. So I have been without my computer ALL DAY. I had to content with borrowing his, and also going to the library and drowning my sorrow in books.

Here’s to hoping he can fix it and I won’t have to summon the Geek Squad.