A headline from this week’s Onion: Boulder, Colorado, Named Best Place To Raise Abducted Children:
“With plenty of cultural amenities, unsurpassed recreational opportunities, and an inviting lack of neighborhood watch groups, Boulder is the ideal place to raise a captive family,” the magazine’s editors wrote in a two-page feature spread. “The city is large enough for new residents to quickly blend in, yet small enough that one could easily track down a child who manages to escape from the attic crawlspace in the dead of night.”
“Boulder is great,” said 15-year-old Samantha Pritchard, who has lived in the area since April or May or maybe it was June 2007. “I love living here in Boulder. Yup, I love living right here in Boulder, Colorado.”
“That’s Boulder, Colorado,” she added.