Ah, insomnia! Lovely!

January 31, evening: My boyfriend comes home from work. I am very tired. We watch a movie. He plays video games while I read two books. I then open up a third book, I Little Slave. A memoir by a former political prisoner from Laos, it’s rather dull at first. I read on the couch until I become sleepy.
11:30 p.m. My boyfriend goes to bed. I follow at midnight or a little after.

February 1
1:30 a.m.: Having been unable to sleep in spite of weariness, I return to reading I Little Slave on the couch. The book picks up a bit. Periodically, I return to bed and lie there awhile, awake.
8:30 a.m.: I finish I Little Slave.
9:00 a.m.: I finally fall asleep. I keep tossing and turning, however, waking up for a few seconds every hour or so.
1:00 p.m.: I wake up abruptly and do not get out of bed, hoping to fall back asleep.
1:30 p.m.: I give up, get up, shower, go out to run errands. I feel horrible and my jaw aches.
6:45 p.m.: I return to my boyfriend’s house and laze about. Deliberately, I do not start another book. I am too tired to update my website. I lie on the couch and play Civ4.
7:30 p.m.: I am very hungry, having not eaten much all day, but am unable to motivate myself to get food. I go into the bathroom, look in the mirror and examine the dark circles under my eyes.
8:30 p.m.: I take crazymeds, go to boyfriend’s room and lie in the dark for awhile. I turn on my new book light and begin reading Testament to Courage in the dark. I hope it will turn out to be boring and maybe I’ll fall asleep. It isn’t, and I don’t.
11:00 p.m.: Boyfriend comes home. I tell him how tired I am and say I’ll go to bed early. I lose a coin toss with his roommate and am sent out to get dinner. After I return with dinner and we eat, I go to boyfriend’s room and lie on his bed. My whole face aches.
11:30 p.m.: I resume reading Testament to Courage in my boyfriend’s room, in the dark with the book light. My boyfriend and his roommate play video games.

February 2
2:00 a.m.: I finish Testament to Courage, get up and go into the living room. I lie on the floor and watch the video games.
3:00 a.m.: I return to bed, with no success. I keep alternating back and forth between bed and the living room. My boyfriend asks me to make sure he’s up by noon. Hoping I will not be awake at that time, I set an alarm for him.
Sometime after 4:30 a.m.: My boyfriend goes to bed, waking me up as he does so. I don’t think I’ve been asleep for more than a few minutes. I fall asleep again.
7:30 a.m.: I wake abruptly, feeling rather worse than I did yesterday.

9 thoughts on “Ah, insomnia! Lovely!

  1. emma l February 2, 2010 / 1:43 pm

    Oh God I really feel for you. Reading that makes me so anxious, I have suffered from insomnia on and off my entire life. I have zero tips to help because (for me) nothing works. The only teeny tiny bit of consolation is that after a while of it you will be so tired that you will eventually sleep. I know its not that much comfort though.

  2. Justin February 2, 2010 / 3:01 pm

    Does your jaw ache from grinding your teeth?

    If I cannot sleep, I usually do something really boring or take on a project I absolutely don’t want to do until my body decides that sleep is the more enjoyable option.

    Or you can try reading some of those heaving bosom, bodice-ripping romance novels until you are so disgusted with the world that you just want to either escape into sleep or read a book about serial killers. Of course, your dreams will be messed up, like having Rush Limbaugh wearing a puffy shirt attempting to seduce you on a pirate ship. I’m still trying to recover from that one.

    • Meaghan February 2, 2010 / 4:33 pm

      Aye, it does. Not really my jaw so much as my entire mouth. I keep biting at my lips and the insides of my cheeks. I can’t stop.

    • forthelost February 2, 2010 / 6:11 pm

      I’m not sure if this is universal, but when I get attacks of insomnia my face aches.

      • emma l February 2, 2010 / 6:23 pm

        My teeth ache when I get it… they throb like nobodies business. I get the same thing when I’m coming down with something.

      • Meaghan February 2, 2010 / 8:32 pm

        My face aches too whenever I’m sleep-deprived. I’m glad to know I’m not the only one! I have a theory: I think when you lie down to sleep, the skin and muscles on your face get a rest because gravity’s not tugging at it so much. If you stay up (awake) for too long, your face gets tired.

  3. danielle February 3, 2010 / 1:54 am

    Do you “believe” in meds? there is also natural stuff like Meletonin.
    I’m sorry you are feeling this way. Hopefully things will improve.

    • Meaghan February 3, 2010 / 4:41 am

      I take antidepressant medication — I think that’s actually a major cause of my insomnia. I have some sleeping pills but not with me, and I think they’re expired anyway.

      I believe I cannot get into REM sleep. It would explain why I keep waking up after about three hours (the time when you typically go into REM). If I could get over that bump, I think I would be okay.

      Maybe I’ll just get drunk.

  4. Kelly February 3, 2010 / 3:13 am

    Ha! Right there with ya sista! Last night, when unemployment, threat of homlessness, PMS, ill mannered children, no medical insurance and a 101 temp woke me AGAIN at 1230, I popped an ativan and lay there for an hour petting one of the cats…then, read “The Kids are Alright”. At 7, when my son and daughter woke and wondered why mommy had made them chocolate chip pancakes, “Can’t we just have cereal mom?” I dropped the spatula, went upstairs and got back into bed. I feel your pain hon!

    Always wondered what other people with sleep issues did.

    Hope you rest tonight.

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