A problem I’ve never encountered before

Many, many women listed on Charley are noted to be victims of domestic violence at the hands of their husbands or boyfriends, even if the aforementioned haven’t faced any charges in connection with the disappearance. In one particular case, I have little info, just that the woman (a girl, really, 21 years old) was going through a divorce and her family said her husband was abusive and had threatened her life.

Well, hubby has just emailed me, furious and demanding I remove that detail. He accuses me of “dragging his name through mud” and says it is my “last and final warning.” (I actually don’t refer to him by name in the casefile, and didn’t even know his name till he wrote me.) I did a bit more probing after I got the email and found the missing woman’s MySpace page, last accessed just before her disappearance. She writes a little bit on there about how she’s so glad she got away from her abusive husband and that their two small children are away from him and safe.

It seems my options are thus:

1. Comply with his demand — no way in hell. Even if he had nothing to do with her disappearance, I’m satisfied that he did abuse her and, it appears, the kids as well. Men who beat their wives and kids deserve to have their names dragged through mud.
2. Ignore him and block his email address.
3. Reply to him telling him to go to hell, then block his email address.

I think I’m leaning towards Option 2. I don’t want to provoke this guy any more than I already have. I mean, I guess it’s unlikely that he would drive all the way up from the Deep South to Ohio to track me down and beat me up or something, but stranger things have happened.

17 thoughts on “A problem I’ve never encountered before

  1. emma l December 6, 2009 / 5:09 pm

    Option 2. If he contacts you again by email, you can always forward to the police.
    Some people have the cheek of the devil.

  2. Justin December 6, 2009 / 6:36 pm

    Has law enforcement mentioned the husband as ‘a person of interest’ in their investigation? Did the information stating her family said her husband was abusive and had threatened her life come from a newspaper or news website, or a blog?

    You might add what she said on her myspace page shortly before she went missing to your profile. It is from the victim herself, unless someone hacked her myspace page. Unlikely, but possible.

    Did he threaten legal action? Guys like that love to intimidate others? I might consider forwarding his email to the LE handling her case, though I don’t know what they would do with it.

    I agree with Option 2. I would love to slam him in an email, but you should avoid that.

    • Meaghan December 6, 2009 / 6:42 pm

      The info about her family’s statements came from a newspaper. I don’t think the police have named the husband as a person of interest, but there’s very little information available about this girl’s disappearance and I don’t know if the cops have publicly said anything at all. Gah to have two kids, going through a divorce, at 21 years old. At that age you should be partying and being irresponsible. Certainly I was.

      He didn’t threaten to sue me, he just said it was my “last and final warning.” But I’ve been threatened with lawsuits umpteen times before and it never goes anywhere. I’m in the clear. I posted this information in good faith so it isn’t libel.

    • emma l December 6, 2009 / 6:43 pm

      My first reaction was to send him a snotty email too, but I agree that is a seriously bad idea.

      • emma l December 6, 2009 / 6:45 pm

        You and I replied to Justin at exactly the same time.
        I doubt he would even think of suing you, no matter what he threatens. Ughh.

  3. Kelly December 6, 2009 / 6:53 pm

    Your “last and final warning”? What a tool. Sounds a bit like a threat. I’m with Emma and Justin. Ignore, block and if he continues to contact you with his crap, forward to LE. I know I don’t need to tell you to continue to be the scrappy chick that ya are and not take any nonsense from anyone! 🙂

    As for this jerk, “Me thinks thou dost protest too much”….where there is smoke, there is fire. If that young lady escaped with her babies and then disapeared, my money is on him. Why are earth would she leave them? She would not. He took her, probably killed her and disposed of her. Controlling, abusive men do not change.

  4. danielle December 6, 2009 / 9:56 pm

    I agree with Justin…..he may say “last and final warning” since it’s on email and not to your face. Guys who beat wife and kids always pick on someone weaker to make them feel important. He’s probably saying that to you via email for the same reason….

  5. JerryG December 6, 2009 / 10:36 pm

    I’d go with option 3. But I’m just that kind of person. My ex girlfriend of 6 months broke up with me four years ago to go back to her verbally and physically abusive boyfriend (the one before me). My cousin works at a hospital and calls me a few times a year to let me know she’s there.

    Since then, I’ve gone through other relationships where the women I dated were verbally abused. One girl told me her boyfriend would call her “fatass” while she was pregnant.

  6. donde December 7, 2009 / 2:33 am

    Guess I’m the only voice of reason in a room full of people who would rather toss that annoying “innocent until proven guilty” nuisance out the window. All you people are so shocked the guy is mad…wouldn’t YOU be mad if everyone who knows about the case and searches on it is than told the guy is abusing his wife and kids? The guy is slandered, on her word alone, and people are dumfounded when he gets mad about it.

  7. Jamie December 7, 2009 / 2:47 am

    Hey Meaghan girl,SCREW him…What? does he think he can verbally abuse you ,thru the e-mail? Go with number 3, and let him also know you have been in touch with the law and have given his e-mails to you from him to them, send all of us the missing girls myspace page, so we all know who the “SHIT” is, and then block his e-mail address.lol…One day someone ,some how will find her…then lets see what happens to him….I feel so sorry for those kids, and what they must be going thru…makes me sick, hes still walking around abusing others…..GO WITH 3!

  8. Becky December 10, 2009 / 10:53 pm

    Yeah I’d go with #2 and while you’re at it why AREN’T you naming him on the site? Can’t you just add the word “allegedly”? Here’s why: We see so many, many cases like this on Charley of women missing and never heard from again and the last one to see them was the boyfriend/husband who says she just walked out (No clothes, kids, money, nothing) and is never heard from BY ANYONE again. I just think if the guy’s name was listed on some of these cases, we would find the same guy is involved in more than one of these cases of missing women.

    • Meaghan December 11, 2009 / 8:30 am

      I have very little info available on this woman’s disappearance and I don’t usually name people unless I have to mention them several times.

  9. donde December 11, 2009 / 1:17 am

    Nice Becky. Gloria Steinem would be proud. How bout we have a site where we list every thing that someone “alleges” you did?

    • Becky December 11, 2009 / 2:56 am

      Donde, Yeah if it was alleged that I abused someone and then that person was never heard from again, I think my name should be posted on this site and the news and wherever else it is reported. It is a crucial piece of information in the case. You are so defensive it makes me wonder if you are the husband of this missing woman.

      • Meaghan December 11, 2009 / 8:31 am

        Donde has commented on here before. I don’t think he/she is the husband. Donde is entitled to an opinion, and I think he/she has a point. Sometimes women make up stories to make themselves look like victims (though I don’t think the woman concerned here did that). I have seen a couple of abusive relationships myself and in those cases it’s the women that are doing the abusing.

  10. Mary Jo December 23, 2009 / 3:55 pm


    Option #2 is your best bet. Ignore and block. any other contact from him, you can take it to the law.
    like you said, you have never posted his name (didn’t know it!) and prefaced reference to him as ‘alleged’ and ‘allegedly.’ To hell with this guy and keep up the good work.

  11. Liz October 31, 2010 / 3:36 pm

    It’s ironic that he would threaten you. Exactly what an abuser would do anyway, right?

    Be careful and thank you for all of the work you do.

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