Three months ago today

The attack happened three months ago today.

As far as the criminal case goes, there has been no very big news and I’ve resigned myself to the long haul. Last I heard, they were trying to enhance the videos they have of him to make a poster. They told the bus drivers to look out for this man, but he doesn’t really have any particular distinguishing characteristics and the bus drivers can hardly be calling 911 every time a five-foot-six black guy gets on the bus. So they need a picture. I believe the police are doing the best they can, and Detective Austin has always been considerate and professional with me and always returns my calls in a timely manner. I just wish it was like the movies or the Law and Order shows where they’ve have him arrested, tried and convicted in an hour or so. It’s all the more frustrating because I think they know who did this. What I’m afraid of is that he’s left town and gone somewhere where no one knows him and no one’s looking for him.

As far as me — I am determined not to let this ruin my life and I think I am doing okay so far. In the month after the rape, I lost twelve pounds, and I had only weighed 120 to begin with. I forced myself to eat more and better food and now I’m back up to 119. I didn’t get pregnant and I didn’t get any diseases, thank goodness. I’ve stopped dreaming about it so much, and I’ve stopped getting all nervous and trembly when I’m around men who resemble the rapist. But he’s never far from my mind and I still feel ashamed in a lot of ways and keep thinking all these what-ifs and I-should-have-dones. I wish I could open up my skull and physically remove those thoughts and memories from my head. All I can is hope they get him soon, and remind myself that it could have been a lot worse than it was.

And that’s all I have to say about this for now.