Why does this always happen to me?

So tonight I practically died of cortizone. It happened like this:

I have lately developed a rash around my mouth, so tonight over my lunch break I bought a tube of cortizone cream and smeared it on my chin and upper lip, over the rash. A moment or so later I licked my lips, got a foul taste and realized I must have accidentally licked the cortizoned spots. I thought nothing of it, just shrugged it off and went to read my book. But a few minutes later I suddenly developed this godawful cough, the kind of bend-over-and-barf-your-lungs-out kind of cough, and it felt like my throat was swollen up. I drank half a bottle of Mountain Dew but the cough didn’t go away, and when I resumed work it continued. It was really scary to everyone around me. They kept asking me if I was dying.

Half an hour later I decided to call the poison control center about the cortizone. They said the tiny amount I ingested — or any amount, for that matter — shouldn’t cause a cough and I was probably having an allergic reaction. Beyond that they had no advice. I just had to sit there and wait for it to be over.

And, after a couple of hours, the cough did finally go away. My throat still feels really swollen and really sore, though, like I swallowed razor blades. I might go to the doctor about it.

So NOW what am I going to do about that rash?