I’ve got 38 new cases to write and 59 updates waiting to be posted…

…and that doesn’t count new runaways, new family abduction cases, and updates I still need to write up. And every day I don’t update I fall further behind. I look at this mound of stuff I’ve got to do and I get discouraged and some days don’t even bother to start.

Sometimes I try to remind myself that Charley is not a job but a hobby, and I don’t HAVE to update every day or whatever, and if I chose, I would be within my rights to resign altogether and close the website. (Not planning on doing that.) But people expect stuff of me, and I don’t want to disappoint them. And I like working on my website. I like helping people. So I continue this never-ending task.

My mental state has deteriorated alarmingly this past week. Yesterday I called my psychiatrist’s office and requested an earlier appointment with him. I wasn’t supposed to see him until August, but I can’t wait that long, I told the secretary. I desperately need an increase of crazymeds. She transferred me to their on-call crisis worker, who asked me what was going on.

“Ten days ago I was raped and beaten,” I said flatly.

There was a bit of an awkward pause and then she was like, “….Oh,” And: “Have you been to the police?”

“Yes.” And I added silently: and they haven’t caught this monster, and they haven’t called me in a week, and whenever I call them I get voice mail, curse it all.

They gave me two o’clock on either July 1 or July 2, I forget, and on Monday I’m going to have to call and find out which is which. I think it’s July 2, but I seem to have written down July 1. I’m a little afraid he might lock me up when he sees me. Of course the Commonwealth of Virginia would probably pay for it, but it’s an inconvenience I’d rather avoid.

I’m concerned that the bus driver tipped the Beast off that he was wanted. And that perhaps the Beast has packed up his cardboard box — assuming he really is that homeless guy they’re looking at — and hitchhiked to Tuscaloosa or somewhere and they’ll never find him and he’s free to rape other girls and perhaps kill them. Nothing I can do about that, however. Nothing I can do at all. Sigh. I sit and wait. I update my website. I must find a way to live.

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8 thoughts on “I’ve got 38 new cases to write and 59 updates waiting to be posted…

  1. maureen June 27, 2009 / 10:38 pm

    Please take care of yourself.

  2. Lori June 28, 2009 / 2:02 pm

    I don’t know you personally, but please know that I am thinking about you and I hope they do catch the monster.

    Give yourself a break and take the time you need to heal both your body and your spirit.

  3. sheri June 28, 2009 / 6:14 pm

    Hard as it is to do, please try real hard to concentrate on Meaghan right now.

    Worrying about what the Beast might do to someone else will have no effect on anything he decides to do, plus the worrying might hamper your own recovery.

    I know you’re a pragmatist and a realist, so you believe that “wishing won’t make it so”. Neither will worrying.

    Hard as that is to swallow, I am sure that focusing on yourself is the best solution right now.

    Rape isn’t about sex. It’s about power. By taking back your life, you’re diminishing his power.

    Try visualizing him sitting in prison knowing he’s going to rot away, alone and scared, AND that his crime was for naught since he didn’t gain the power over you that he craved.

    I usually think of myself as a realist, too, but for some reason I “feel” certain he will be caught. Absolutely certain!

    Please be okay, Meaghan.

  4. Cheryl June 29, 2009 / 12:53 pm

    Great advice Sheri, especially what you said about diminishing his power.

    Meaghan what you are feeling is perfectly normal. Highs and lows – ups and downs. You say they might “lock you up.” Don’t use that terminology, makes it sound like a bad thing. if it happens it may actually help you. If you feel as horrible as you sound, you need to be somewhere you feel safe and where you will BE safe.

    Don’t worry about your updates and adding cases. If you feel like doing it to keep yourself busy, then by all means do it. If you don’t feel up to it then put it aside.

    • Meaghan June 29, 2009 / 1:44 pm

      I’ve been in the hospital before and would rather want to stay out of it — it’s not a nice place to be. Mainly, it’s extremely boring. But of course I’ve got to do what Dr. Bruno says. I think I like him but he scares the crap out of me because of the power he has — one word from him and I know where I’ll be spending the next 72 hours.

  5. Janessa June 29, 2009 / 9:38 pm

    Everything you do on this site is is appreciated greatly.
    You are an angel-a wonderful person.
    God Bless and take care of yourself.

  6. Petra July 2, 2009 / 4:52 pm

    Hope you feel better soon my thoughts are with you…

  7. bartscrivner July 3, 2009 / 7:58 pm

    Maybe you need to contact a local journalist in Northern VA or DC. It’s not likely that the police can solve this without a tip. Does the friend you visited know any or can find the email address of one?

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