It’s just one of those days

Last night my boyfriend and his roommate both insinuated I would be capable of abusing and/or killing the roommate’s dog because its barking annoyed me.

To avoid them I went downstairs to the basement to lie on the futon and read, only to discover that a ceiling pipe had leaked and the futon was soaking wet.

The next morning I drove home and was unable to get into the driveway because the town had paved the driveway and left a traffic cone smack in the middle of the entrance. I had to park on the street.

I went round to the back of the car to open the hatch, and my key broke off in the lock.

I went to the side of the car and opened the passenger door to get my books, and one library book fell out and landed in a puddle. I will probably have to pay for it.

I checked the mail and got an unexpected letter from my health insurance company saying I owe my family doctor $68.

I went next door to my neighbor’s to return a book I’d borrowed. I love talking to her and hoped she could cheer me up, but she wasn’t at home.

A few minutes ago I drank some milk. Halfway through the glass, I realized there was a dead insect at the bottom.

28 thoughts on “It’s just one of those days

  1. Aimee April 28, 2009 / 8:22 pm

    You’re certainly having a time. Happens to the best of us. Hope tomorrow is a better day.
    But it makes you wonder…
    What next? Clog up the toilet? Burn dinner and set off the smoke alarm? Tear your pants on a nail jumping over a fence when a bull chases you? lol

  2. Anthony April 28, 2009 / 9:51 pm

    Careful, or I’ll have to start explaining Camus’s thesis in his “The Myth of Sisyphus” to you all. And this alone might rank somewhere between possible toilet clogs and pants torn on nails in the mythic “Good God, WHAT could go wrong NEXT??” category: “Antoine explains Camus.”

    Noooooooo!!

    But, just in case, I’ll get my beret ready, and practice my Pepe le Peuw accent.

  3. Aimee April 28, 2009 / 10:35 pm

    Chef Antoine, save the lecture and bring me some more bonbons and petit fours while relax in the shade reading my book.

  4. Emma l April 29, 2009 / 9:43 am

    HAHAHAHAH! Aww.

  5. Anthony April 29, 2009 / 2:02 pm

    (Chef Antoine, bustling to prepare Madame Aimee’s daily treat-filled repast)

    “Je ne dois pas échouer Madame Aimee, ou elle me torturera, utilisant des techniques de Madame Meaghan’s livre des techniques de torture!”

  6. Aimee April 29, 2009 / 2:14 pm

    No, actually, that’s next on my reading list. I finally got around to reading Dog’s book.
    A bit more Creme de Mentthe, s’il vous plait?

  7. Anthony April 29, 2009 / 2:40 pm

    (Still scurrying around in the kitchen)

    “Madame Aimee a consommé quatre bouteilles de creme de menthe depuis dimanche! Sacre bleu!”

  8. Aimee April 29, 2009 / 2:43 pm

    Oh merde! (James Joyce giggles in the corner) I lost track of time! (examines watch suspiciously, taps it) Okay, then how bout some Perrier?
    Tell ya what, if you wear that cute chef’s hat and twirl your mustache in a suitably Franco-fied way, I will lay off the hard stuff entirely.

  9. Anthony April 29, 2009 / 2:58 pm

    (Hastily obeying)

    Twirl-twirl.

    (Thinking aloud to himself)

    “Madame Aimee ne doit pas découvrir que je ai consommé moi-même neuf bouteilles de sa creme de menthe!”

  10. Aimee April 29, 2009 / 3:14 pm

    A little secret: Mademoiselle Aimee ne parle pas Francais bon.
    But I like the twirl. Very French, very suave.

  11. Anthony April 29, 2009 / 4:36 pm

    Monsieur Antoine’s French, if the truth were known and apart from internet “translate English-French” sites, is limited to phrases such as “c’est la vie—c’est la guerre!”, “l’espirit de l’escalier,” and “Voulez-vous coucher avec moi ce soir?”

  12. Aimee April 29, 2009 / 4:41 pm

    Just like my Italian is limited to “capisce?” “spaghetti” and “gina Lollobrigida” the last of which I know nothing about but it’s great fun to say.

  13. Anthony April 29, 2009 / 4:49 pm

    Another handy French crib is “Mais où sont les neiges d’antan?” People will think you’re a Villon scholar on the loose.

    My Italian is limited to reading the English subtitles in Fellini movies and nodding sagely and/or laughing uproariously.

  14. Aimee April 29, 2009 / 4:52 pm

    How bout laughing sagely and nodding uproariously? That will prove great distracting fun for the other audience members.
    And what does that last French phrase mean, if I may make so bold as to ask?

  15. Anthony April 29, 2009 / 5:06 pm

    (Chef Antoine finishes dishing out second ample serving of chocolate truffles.)

    “Where are the snows of yesteryear?”

  16. Aimee April 29, 2009 / 5:14 pm

    rofl! If a listener didn’t already know that, he’d be mightily impressed.
    Here, aren’t you going to help me eat these truffles? They’re much better than Reesie Cups.

  17. Anthony April 29, 2009 / 5:21 pm

    (Chef Antoine breaks off sentence in mid-lecture)

    “And zo you zee zat, here, Villon evinces the sensual longing for a remembered past which cannot come again…hey! zees girl, she has eaten zee last truffle in zee house! Hide zee Reesie Cups, she is on zee rampage!”

  18. Aimee April 29, 2009 / 5:26 pm

    I had a little help eating them. Those crazy little twins MK and Ash. I swear, you cannot keep any food around them, and they’ll look you full in the face and deny they took it, even while the chocolate melts on their chins.
    Kids.

  19. Cheryl April 30, 2009 / 8:47 pm

    Who are you people? i really must know. I come to read the blogs and find myself laughing hysterically.

  20. Aimee April 30, 2009 / 8:57 pm

    Well, hey there, Cheryl! As for me, I’m just Aimee. Just a rather jaded, warped little country girl with a heart of tarnished gold and an overabundance of opinions to spew.

  21. Anthony April 30, 2009 / 9:22 pm

    Anthony here, Cheryl, a rural Kansas old-timer revivified by Mlle. Aimee (and Meaghan’s attempts to build a wicker man into which she will then place us before touching the torch to the tinder below—aye, a fiery reckoning it shall be). And of course M-K, A., Dog, and Beth. And James Joyce’s toiletery imagery. And Kit Marlowe—a catamitic caution, that one.

  22. Aimee April 30, 2009 / 9:33 pm

    What a motley crew for our very own version of the Surreal Life!
    Toilet humor! Catamitism! Violence! Candy-sneaking! Burning people in effigy! Intrigue and mayhem and snappy dialogue galore!

  23. Anthony April 30, 2009 / 9:42 pm

    And I think Meaghan’s trying to syndicate us. At least, she told us, “You should be on the stage.”

    But then she said, “I THINK THERE’S ONE LEAVING IN FIVE MINUTES.”

    I’m not too sure of what to make of that, but Aimee and I are anxiously awaiting the big contracts and the Fox debut this fall.

  24. Aimee April 30, 2009 / 9:53 pm

    I’m already talking to some top professionals about makeovers. You know everybody has to have their own signature style. Poor Joycie and Kit, they’re hopelessly out of date.
    I may go in for Wild West saloon girl, now that you’ve mentioned stagecoaches. Hmmmm, feather boa, parasol, gem-buttoned gloves?

  25. Anthony April 30, 2009 / 9:58 pm

    THAT must have been what Meaghan—or “Meggers,” as Aimee calls her when she herself has been hitting the creme-de-menthe even more heavily than usual–was talking about.

    And also, Cheryl, uh…Cheryl? Cheryl?? See there Aimee, you’ve scared Cheryl off, you and your hootchie-cootchie saloon-dancing with them despicable varmints what run me and my kin off our acreage two summers back.

    Turn to the Lord, girl. And quit poking me with that consarned parasol!

  26. Aimee April 30, 2009 / 10:11 pm

    *giggles behind lace fan* That’s just what the Earp boys told me last time they came through town.
    Don’t worry Anthony, I’ll find those pesky varmints what took your land and I’ll give em two acres each for their very own. You watch me!
    *delivers powerful kick to groin of first ornery galoot*
    There, see? I gave him two achers!
    All right, who’s next? *snaps fingers* Step it up, we’re burnin’ daylight here! Oh, I guess them other claim jumpers done run off.
    I don’t guess you’ll have any more trouble with the likes of them, Anthony. Your ranch, the Stumblin’ X, is safe.

  27. Anthony April 30, 2009 / 10:28 pm

    LOLOL.

    That’s “The Stumblin’ X at Cold Comfort Ranch,” where we all up and started us a dude ranch after maw done took ill after she et two helpings of Junior’s prairie dog stew.

    Why, lookee there, here comes ol’ Kit Marlowe, a ridin’ back for supper atop Jimmy Joyce, who’s buckin’ and whinnyin’ somethin’ fierce, which he’s been a-doin’ ever since ol’ Kit lassoed him, put that saddle on him, and attached the one blinder.

  28. Aimee April 30, 2009 / 10:57 pm

    *howls* Ol’ Kit, he’s apt to ride that poor boy mighty hard and put him up wet. Likes to run roughshod on the younger hands. I’d make him use another bunkhouse, but it’s plum full right now.
    Prairie dog stew? No wonder them little Olson gals is lookin’ so peaked of late!
    Go tell Cookie to not serve any of Junior’s critters that he brang home from his hunting trip.

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