I found this editorial about voluntary missing adults, whom the author refers to as “maliciously missing.” That may be a good term for it, though as I have written on here before, I believe many adults who walk out of their lives are deeply troubled people who need help. The article references Jon Van Dyke and David Rockey, both of whom have previously been profiled on Charley.
I sometimes wonder just how seriously we should take a spouse or parent’s assertion that their MP would “never” abandon their family, children, job, etc. Of course, the MP’s family knows them better than anyone else, but at the same time they don’t want to think or speak badly of their missing relative. And it’s possible to have secrets your closest friends and relatives don’t know about. The family’s opinion should be taken into account, but I don’t think we should assume an MP definitely didn’t leave on his own just because his family says he was an honorable and responsible person who wouldn’t have walked out on them.
July 16, 2009 at 3:40 pm |
I think its a terrible thing to go missing on purpose and letting loved ones think something happened to you.
Law enforcement, family, friends and volunteers spend countless hours (and who knows how much money) searching for these people. Remember the runaway bride from a couple of years ago? When she finally contacted someone she made it worse by making up a story about being upducted!
If you want to disappear, great, just let someone know that you are not interested in being found.
July 17, 2009 at 11:23 pm |
Meaghan,
Perhaps you should focus on what the families of the maliciously missing go through. I speak with families of missing adults all of the time. Do you have any idea of how hard it is to get law enforcement to take a missing adult case seriously? Adult males are the bottom of the barrel when it comes to being searched for. Only a small percent are actually maliciously missing the rest are endangered but it doesn’t stop law enforcement from using the excuse that because they are an adult that they must be off starting a new life. The maliciously missing cause law enforcement to hesitate and when law enforcement hesitate the truly endangered missing adults die or are never recovered for many years because no one searched.
Now if my husband had turned up dead instead of maliciously missing then the public would be pointing a finger at me saying I didn’t search hard enough.
And, yes everyone has skeletons in their closet and I laid those “skeletons” out all over the internet in the hopes that maybe somewhere in my skeletons (all though mine were never secret or hidden) that piece of the puzzle was there that would find my husband.
Can you explain why my husband disappeared during his lunch hour, why go to work? Can you explain no taxes paid, two retirements not accessed, email accounts not accessed, family and friends not contacted, why he lovingly kissed me goodbye at the door that morning and talked about the weekend and future events, bills not paid, rental car not returned for months, letters sent by me to social security for my husband were forwaded by the SS to our address as they had no other address on file for him, driver’s license not renewed??? …. this went on for years…not a couple days or a couple weeks!!!!!!!!!
Do you know I and his family and friends grieved for him? Did you know every day and sometimes every minute of every day I prayed that if he were alive he was not hungry, suffering, in pain, lost in his mind and that if he was dead I prayed that God would lead me to his bones. I have had to work 60 plus hours a week since he went missing and in my spare time I looked at dead bodies and reconstructions in the hopes of finding him and bringing his body home for a decent burial. No family should be put through that EVER. It’s a horrible, horrible emotional abuse and should be criminal barring medical and mental evaluations on the maliciously missing person. But, as a spouse you cannot have your spouse legally evaluated. I would love to get my husband of now 28 years who I so love help and intervention. I don’t care if there is a marriage left or not after he gets help but it would hopefully open up the path for him to be back in his children and grandchildren’s lives.
Taking this down to a marital level is wrong. Marriages fail but spouse don’t walk out on their children and grandchildren too. And, most spouses tell the other one it’s over. This is a whole different ball game and if there is not a medical or psychological problem then it is truly malicous and should be seen as criminal.
Hurting the victims of the maliciously missing is very cruel and wrong.
July 18, 2009 at 12:21 am |
Oh, I know what they go through. Not that I’ve been through it myself, but I’ve read about and seen the devastation a missing relative causes families. I think dropping out of sight without a word is one of the worst things you can do to your family. If you want to disappear, well, go ahead and do so — but leave a note saying you are leaving voluntarily and no one else is responsible for what you have done.
I wrote about voluntary adult disappearances elsewhere on this blog, here: http://charleyross.wordpress.com/2009/03/09/voluntary-missing-adult/ Focusing on a young man named Matthew Wilson, who appeared to have everything going for him but who evidently had a lot of personal problems no one knew anything about.